|
|
Sunday, January 5th, 2003
| |
9:01 pm - This is the end
|
The LiveJournal experience is over. I am now located at this MySpace page that I never update. E-mail me at ladylahatiel AT yahoo DOTCOM. Thank you for reading.
Annie :o)
current mood:  nostalgic
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, December 24th, 2002
| |
10:44 pm - And I'm spent
|
I'm back from Milwaukee. I'm very tired, but I thought I'd just say hi. Happy Solstice. Merry Christmas, tomorrow. Other assorted happy holidays. And a quiz.
Which Stereotypical CLAMP emotion are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Huh. I only said a food-related answer on the party question, but that's because you should always mingle at the food table. Gives you something to do if there's no one to talk to. And also a chance to eat. Which is always good.
...I guess I do fit that profile. Hmm.
There will be more quizzes maybe tomorrow or the next day. In the meantime, goodnight everyone.
current mood:  loved
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, December 13th, 2002
| |
9:34 am
|
Time to update again. It's been time for awhile, but I never get around to it. Anyway.
Today is the last day of classes. Finally, finally the last Friday of the semester. I just have to get through one more hour of Modern Poetry, which might consist of reviewing anyway. Or more Sylvia Plath. Man, I hate that class...but only one more. Yay.
I got my poetry paper done on time. I got an extension on my Tokugawa Japan one, and I'm going to start actually writing from my notes later today, in the afternoon. It's due Monday at 1, which is my final time. I'm going to get it done, and that makes me happy.
Tomorrow the anime club is having a marathon study break from noon till 10 at night, showing movies all day and eating cake and cookies and chips and stuff like that. That will be relaxing. I don't know how long I'll be there, it depends on how much of my paper I get done today and in the morning on Saturday. Plus I'll have Saturday night to work on it, and some of Sunday. Part of Sunday will be devoted to thinking and working on the question for my Tokugawa final, which is rather a doozy of a question and will take some thought-out planning. But I also have Monday morning for that.
So how am I right now? I'm good. I've gotten some pleasure recently in being able to tell people off, now that I know I won't be among them much longer. I've made it through what were quite possibly the worst seven weeks of my college career thus far. I move out on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to it.
Just a reminder: after this school year ends, I will be retiring my LiveJournal in favor of a blog: Mindless Wanderings. I'll probably start updating there on the New Year, so there might be one or two more updates here. But as of the beginning of 2003, it'll all be over there. Thanks for reading so far though. It's been nice.
current mood:  determined
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, December 4th, 2002
| |
10:48 am
|
Right. So I only have two weeks left at this place. Fourteen days. That's actually counting this weekend, when Nate and I will be at his Dad's for the December birthdays.
Fourteen days. I have two papers due on Dec. 9, one is 3 pages and about how Robert Frost uses Nature in his poetry. The other is 6 pages and is a research paper on Shintoism during the Tokugawa period. Have I started either of them? Nope. I have two books for my Shinto paper. I haven't read either one. I won't have time to work on them over the weekend. But I'm not caring. Again. I just want out of here, I don't care about classes, or work, which is pointless because there's nothing to do anyway, I don't really care about anything at all right now. I'll go to class, and sit there, because...well, I just will. I'd probably be perfectly willing to not do either paper, although I'll probably take a stab at them, just out of some feeling of guilt. At this point, I just want the days to go by as quickly as possible.
I don't care about school, I don't care about my papers, either of them, I don't care about pointless work. I want to go back to bed, but something's stopping me. I wish whatever is telling me to get up would go away.
current mood:  apathetic
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
| |
12:31 pm
|
Courtesy of Daisy:
what foreign language are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Whee! My favorite.
Still alive. Still at GAC. Still slightly depressed about both being at GAC and having no one at GAC to talk to about how much I hate it and how much I wish the semester was over. No one, at least, that won't get depressed when I do try and talk about it. Sigh.
*counts* 29 days left, counting Thanksgiving holidays.
Back to eating Cheetos, I suppose.
current mood: apathetic
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, November 11th, 2002
| |
8:42 pm - And it's been a long, long time...
|
I haven't updated in a long time, mainly because every time I thought of it I was in a bad mood or depressed or something, and I felt I should update when I'm feeling more cheerful. So here comes the update. A lot's happened. Let me try and put it into some semblance of order.
I'm leaving Gustavus. I came to this decision over Fall Break, when on the morning I was to leave home again I sat down at the kitchen table and burst into tears. My parents and I talked for about three hours and it was decided that this will be my last semester at GAC. There are a few reasons for this. Gustavus does not hold many fond memories for me. In my first semester, I failed a biology class. When I registered, I was not told that this class would be too difficult for me. It was a sophomore-level class, and one dreaded by all biology students, but I had taken the two previous classes at Winona State and thought I was ready. I readily discovered I was not. I failed my first two tests, despite having studied quite hard for them. The class was taught in two sections, by two different teachers. The first teacher didn't bother to tell me I was failing. I didn't find out until the second half of the class, when the second teacher told me I had to get As on everything I did in the class from that point on, and I'd be able to pull a D in the class. When I explained to her that this would not be possible, as I had no idea what the hell was going on, she smiled sadly and gave me the hours of the biology tutors. She did not tell me to visit the academic counseling center, which would have made me realize that I could in fact drop the class and go on academic probation voluntarily, rather than having an F and taking such a hit to my GPA. As a result, I got an F, took a hit to my GPA, and went on academic probation anyway, having only passed two classes that semester. (GAC doesn't have any such thing as "part-time students". It's full or probation.) That was the beginning.
Second semester, I took a full load of classes. My Stagecraft class was very fun. As some or all of you may know, I'm very into theatre, and lighting in particular, so a class where I got to learn how to design lighting plots was very much up my alley. But I started to feel down because of the birth control I was on (I'll get to that situation next). I was forced to take an incomplete in the class and finish the design over the summer, an incomplete in the class I enjoyed most of all that semester. (May I add, the grade has not yet been submitted by my instructor.) Second semester was not fun either, and again, I received little to no help from the academic counselors. They gave me sheets on Time Management and Organizing Priorities, and smiled at me and wished me well.
Also during second semester, I had numerous run-ins with Health Services. Last October I had been put on the Pill, the most famous one, Orthotricyclen. Overall, it was okay, but during the week when I was taking the placebo pills, I was incredibly emotional. It was as if my body had been trying to fit 7 years of overdue PMS into that one week. Anything could set me off. I mean anything. It was terrible. So finally I talked to the nurses and they decided to try me on Depo-Provera, the shot you get every three months. I stopped having periods, and of course thought "Great! No more bleeding!" I wasn't pregnant, this was just a result of how the Depo reacted to me. However, now, instead of PMSing only during that one specific week, I could be set off at any time, day or night. I started dreading the next one, I never knew where I'd be: in class, in the caf, eating at a restaurant. They told me that Depo takes quite awhile to get used to. If I was feeling depressed--I was? Here, let me write you a prescription for Celexa. Celexa is on the low end of drugs prescribed to people with clinical depression. And it helped: I no longer felt depressed all the time. However, with the end of the school year, the feelings of depression, longing, and homesickness went away. I expected the homesickness to go away, but what I didn't expect was going to my cousin's wedding and feeling great the entire weekend, not realizing till I got home that I had in fact forgotten my Celexa. I stopped taking it, and came to the conclusion, when I remained happy, that I didn't need it. It made me wonder if I'd needed it at all, which made me begin suspecting that Gustavus maybe wasn't where I needed to be.
When I left for Gustavus this semester, I felt a vague disappointment and emptiness. Getting there, I realized how much more I noticed the other people this year, how much I noticed the brand-names, how much I noticed the "pretty" people, how much I noticed what I looked like in comparison to them. It's easy to say "I don't care what other people think" but it's not so easy to remember that when "what other people think" is undisguisedly written on their distainful faces. I suspect that the balance between people like me (i.e. people who wear jeans and T-shirts and sometimes don't brush their teeth before class) and people like them (i.e. the Abercrombie and Fitch wearers who all look exactly the same) has shifted. I think there's more of them here than us this year. Maybe the freshman class didn't have a lot of us, and the graduated senior class had more of us than I thought it did. But regardless, they are much more noticeable this year than last.
I can't remember if I ever talked about my Beginning Experiments in Design class that I took this semester. If not, I'll talk about it in brief: it was too hard for an entry level class, the teacher was patronizing, and I hated my classmates. That about sums it up. The first action after getting back to Gustavus was dropping it, which took a lot of the stress out of my days (I'd never had a class period where I came away satisfied).
I was put on Mircette this summer by a Winona Clinic doctor, and I love it. It hasn't done any of the kinds of things that Ortho and Depo did. I feel in control.
So I'm going to be attending WSU next semester. I'm expecting it to be much better. I've always felt comfortable there; now I'll be an actual official student as opposed to a sharp high school student.
This has been a long entry, but I had a lot to say. I'd also like to point out that LiveJournal is getting sucky. The cute kitties are not enough motivation for me anymore to remain here. Therefore, I have begun a blog. I will still be updating here for a little longer, at least until I do some tweaking with the layout, but I'll be giving this up eventually. So, my patient readers, the ones that have made it this far, I salute you. And thank you. Hopefully it will not be another three weeks before I am in a good enough mood to update again.
"Have you ever wondered if your God is just your God because that's what you want Him to be? Because if you have, you're right."
current mood: Enlightened
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, October 25th, 2002
| |
11:23 pm
|
My state's senator died today in a plane crash, along with his wife and daughter, three staff members, and two crew members. He was a good man and a good politician. This loss will be felt deeply for a very long time. I can only hope that people don't abandon Paul Wellstone by transferring their votes to another candidate. In voting posthumously for Paul Wellstone, we are voting for what he stood for, what he hoped to achieve for Minnesota during his next term in the Senate. After ten years of service to Minnesota, he's gone. He will be greatly missed.
On a lighter note, a quiz.
What Planet Are You From?
this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim
That's cool. I think I can handle that.
current mood:  indescribable
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, October 24th, 2002
| |
10:06 am
|
 </a>
What Egyptian Deity are you? go to:the quiz!
I feel sad. I said I'd go to breakfast with Nate this morning and then when this morning rolled around I said I'd rather sleep instead. I think he was annoyed. But then I get annoyed with my boundless laziness too.
Sigh. Can we start the day over again? I want to do better.
current mood:  blah
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, October 22nd, 2002
| |
9:26 pm
|
It's my birthday today. I am officially not a teenager anymore.
I feel old.
I want to light candles in my room, in worship and thankfulness to my Goddess for all the wonderful things she has given me in my twenty years of life on this planet this time around. But I can't. It's not allowed.
And I don't have any.
Maybe I'll bundle up and go outside to look at the stars for awhile.
current mood:  contemplative
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
| |
12:35 pm
|
Okay, you know what? If any of my readers don't wish to read gushing, please leave now.
I have the most wonderful guy ever. I don't usually brag about him, because I know what it feels like to have a friend bragging about their perfect other half and not having one and wanting to slay them and steal their so-called perfect other half. But I'm making an exception.
I'm sick. I asked Nate to stop by the grocery store and get me some Sudafed. And by "stop by" I mean walk down to the car and drive the 6 blocks or so to the store, buy me stuff, and drive back. So he leaves. And he calls me. From the store's payphone. To ask if I wanted "Sinus" or "Nasal Decongestant" imitation Sudafed.
What did I do to get him? And where can I do more of the same?
current mood: loved
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
12:13 pm - Fashion is TOO for sheep!
|
Which flock do you follow?
this quiz was made by alanna
Still sick. Still coughing things up. Still drinking tea. Yes indeed.
Also reading the archives for her blog because she's cool and funky and such. I'd like her.
Also her blog. Or rather, message board thread, technically. Because she has to deal with stupid people and so do I. I feel that links us in some way. Also I swear I've seen her blog linked to somewhere before.
That is all. GOing to go take more Tylenol now. *coughhack*
current mood:  sick
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, October 7th, 2002
| |
11:34 pm
|
I haven't been feeling well today. Couldn't talk for most of the day. But that's not really why I'm updating. I'm updating because I just finished watching Dogma, which I love, and I have decided to let you all know that:
 | | Which Recurring Kevin Smith Character Are You?</b></a> Take the test here |
Yay for me. I always thought God was a kickass character in that movie. Her and Serendipity.
I go to bed now before coughing keeps me up all night.
current mood:  artistic
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Monday, September 30th, 2002
| |
10:57 am
|
|
| |
10:40 am - Ow
|
I hurt. Hmm...that didn't seem to have the appropriate emotional force to it. Let me try it again.
I HURT! IHURTIHURTIHURTIHURT!!
That works better, yes.
It's that time again. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Currently I'm hunched over the computer, wincing in pain as some hideously cruel person uses my uterus as a stressball. The pain is starting to spread to my head too. Sigh. There are times when a Y-chromosome doesn't look too bad, y'know.
In other news...nothing much has been happening, that being the reason I haven't been updating. But I suppose I should reassure you all that I'm still alive. That'd be good. The Anime Club is going tomorrow to see "Spirited Away," the new Miyazaki movie that Disney translated and released in the U.S. Then out for sushi afterward. It's going to be an expensive evening, but also a fun one. Then next week is Parents Weekend. After those two events are done, we have just normal meetings for ages. That's good.
Ow. You [bleepbleepbleep]er, find your own damn stressball and leave my uterus alone.
current mood:  bitchy
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, September 15th, 2002
| |
11:44 pm - Oops
|
Um...I'm here. I could have sworn I updated before now. Damn.
Classes first:
Tokugawa Japan: Good so far. The study of the period between 1600 and 1868 in Japanese history. Basically the time when they closed their borders and nothing was heard of them until they emerged again and became one of the richest nations in the world. Go them. It's mostly reading articles, but the teacher is kickass and there's only four other people, which is always nice.
Modern Poetry: I like the reading of the poetry. That's fun. The class itself, I mostly sit and write. But the poetry is fun. We've done Whitman so far. Tomorrow we start Dickinson.
Beginning Experiments in Design: Whew. Lots of work, I'll tell you that. Something due every class period. Only two times a week, but still. I think I'll enjoy it, I just need to make sure I stay on top of things. But I'm confident that I'll be able to. If only we could choose what plays we could design for. I wouldn't have chosen The GLass Menagerie, that's for sure. Complete angst. And not even good angst. Tiring, boring angst that makes you want to scream at the characters, "Wake up and get a life, will you, please!?" Ahem. But it'll probably be fun, if tiring.
And now, the major. I was going to wait till later to update about this, once the process was a little further along, but since I'm updating anyway I'll tell you now.
I am creating my own major. It's an Interdisciplinary Studies option. I will call it Asian Culture Studies. "And He looked upon it, and saw that it was in progress, but definitely had some potential." There will be more on that when I get to it.
Today is the last day, in fact the last few minutes, of Nate's and my one-year anniversary. It was very special. I do not wish to gush about it here, but you are welcome to ask about it.
And now I shall leave you with this moment of Zen:
"1. Yea, and God said to Abraham, you will kill your firstborn son. 2. And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you, you'll have to talk into the microphone.' 3. And God said, 'Oh, I'm sorry, is this better? 4. Check, check, one two, check... 5.Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here." Genesis 22:1-5 (Apocrypha, Stewie Griffith Edition)
current mood:  complacent
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, September 4th, 2002
| |
9:58 am
|
And another quiz. I am also a:
Take the Purrsonality Quiz!
First day of classes today. My schedule looks good. After I actually have some classes, I'll let you know how they are. For now, jaa.
current mood:  accomplished
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
| |
1:01 pm
|
|
I don't think I mean that. Don't listen to me, I think it's the hormones. Really. It's the pills and the time of the month. So I don't mean that. But I still haven't been able to stop crying for 45 minutes. I'm getting really tired.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
12:51 pm
|
I didn't take the test. I wussed out, I'm not taking it. I've disappointed...me, my parents, my teacher who I haven't even met yet, so many other people...
Why can't I ever keep promises I make to myself? Why does it seem like I always fall short of what I want to do? I don't know why I bother setting goals. I don't reach them.
I don't even belong here. This school could use someone else in my position. For all the people who didn't make it into Gustavus when I did, I'm sorry.
Maybe I should just take a year off. Or transfer. Something.
current mood:  guilty
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, September 1st, 2002
| |
10:10 pm - And so it begins again, for good or ill
|
I go back to college tomorrow. My emotions today went through a very impressive range. I felt apathetic, sad, upset, angry, cheerful, panicked, depressed...and now I feel...not excited exactly. More expectant.
My dad made me realize that I shouldn't be upset over not being able to get into the Japanese class. Because I highly doubt that I'll be able to. But he made me realize that through the summer, I made a much more important decision than that. I thought through and decided on the major I'm going to declare. (Japanese. You knew that.) He made me realize that between studying to get into a class and deciding what to major in, the major is by far the more important choice. And I did that. So that made me happy. And made me feel a lot better about the summer.
Everything's in the car. It's weird, I don't have Frog to keep me company tonight. But in less than 12 hours I'll have started moving in. So that's all right.
Oyasuminasai, minna-san. I'll be in college next time.
current mood: contemplative
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, August 31st, 2002
| |
1:46 pm
|
So my parents are having a party tonight. Just their friends, a fairly big party by our standards, about 20 people. Okay.
But did they have to have it on my last Saturday home?
I'm very upset about this. I'm tearing up even as I'm typing, but I can't let them know why. They know I'm upset but I'm not telling them why. Why bother? It's not going to change anything. They'll still have the party and they won't enjoy it if they knew I'm upset about spending my last Saturday evening in my room studying because I don't feel like being accosted with questions about school and Nate and "What are you majoring in now?" "What do you think you're going to do with that?" So I'll spend the afternoon and evening stuck in my room, trying to do some packing, because I'm leaving for school in, what, less than 48 hours, and my parents are having a party.
I hope they don't see me crying. It'll be impossible to explain why without telling them how upset I am at how they've chosen to spend their last summer weekend with their daughter before she goes back to college.
I guess I'm just feeling a little left out today.
current mood:  rejected
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
ravenfirestorm's journal
restless